Acute angle: Happy Mothers Day

Kemmannu News Network, 17-05-2017 06:38:32

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“Congrats Anil. Heard you have become a dad. Well done my boy”. Eddie uncle greeted me so loudly that half the people in the long queue at the MESCOM office wished me, some genuinely and many reluctantly. There was one gentleman who took the opportunity with both hands and asked me for sweets even.

“Thanks Eddie uncle”. I politely replied to him, nodding to the gentleman who had asked me for sweets.

“So finally you have joined us in populating the earth. You have taken the bible seriously”. Eddie uncle chuckled at his own joke, as he approached me.

“ I think you like embarrassing me in public. Don’t you”? I was livid . I am a guy who lives in fear of what others think of me.

“Oh C’mon, you moron”. Eddie uncle seemed apologetic, but his expression changed suddenly with a faint smile running across his lips. He continued “ As a matter of fact. I do”. He laughed aloud.

I did not know what to do. If I did not have the bill to pay and if so many people hadn’t wished me, I would have ran away from there. Well Eddie uncle has a unique way of conversing with people and I knew from the bottom of my heart that he did not mean any ill towards me.

“Anyways son. Congrats. How is the mother doing?”

“She is well uncle. Thank you”.

“ By the way. I hope you had a good experience of your wife’s pregnancy, labour and the childbirth. Who was the first one to see the baby”.

It was unusual for Eddie uncle to ask me such things, but with Eddie uncle, one cannot have any expectation. “ Well as a matter of fact, I did have a hell of an experience uncle. Of course the doctor showed the baby to me first, as my wife was on the table”. I replied as I reached the head of the line.

“Did your boy cry the first time he looked at you”. Eddie uncle was very curious. I haven’t seen him this curious ever in my life. He seemed to be genuinely interested in my boy.

I was now conversing with the cashier. Eddie uncle was persistent “ Tell me”.

“Uncle. Let me pay the young lady and then I will tell you the whole story”. I excused myself to pay the bill, as I did not want the young lady at the cashier to be waiting, in spite of knowing very well that I will not get any courtesy, whatsoever from her end.

“Ah. You sometimes are like gum”. I wasn’t able to control my anger towards him. First he embarrassed me in front of so many people and now he was nagging. “ Yes. He cried and it seems all kids cry. That is how they come into this big bad world”. I just gave a vent to my anger as we walked out of the old fashioned, cement floored government office.

“Bull shit” Eddie uncle was quick. “ There is a reason for babies crying and I can tell this to you over tea”.

As we walked towards the nearby Chandranna’s hotel Eddie uncle continued his chatter “Just like how you and your wife had thoughts and wishes of how your kid should look like, what should be the skin color, what should be the eye color, what should be skin tone etc. etc. The kid which is growing inside the womb also has some thoughts running in its tiny brain. The cry your boy let out was purely because of disappointment”.

“Disappointment?” I could not believe myself that I was listening to this load of crap from Eddie uncle.

“Yes Disappointment. He must have thought that his dad would be as handsome as Brad Pitt, Hair as smooth as Salman Khan, Body as strong as Bahubali, but when he looked at you, he was disappointed and cried, that you were nothing like what he had imagined”. Eddie uncle was laughing.

“What a load of crap uncle. Pay your bill and buzz off from here”. I was at the brink of throwing my hot malt at the old mans face, but it would be waste of such a fine beverage.

“Tell me. Did your boy cry when he was taken to the mother”.

“Hmmm. No”

“See, my theory is correct. He doesn’t like your face Anil”

For a moment I got thinking “Is the man right?” “ What must be going on inside the tiny toddlers brains?” “ What language he must be thinking in?”. My mind was now a rollercoaster of thousand thoughts.

Eddie uncle looking at my face realized I was convinced by his crap and broke the ice “ Hey Anil. It was a joke. Don’t get serious”

“Well uncle, your joke is actually good food for thought. Isn’t it ? Have you ever wondered what might be running inside the tiny head. How he knows when to cry, when to laugh, how to communicate, how he distinguishes the mother from the rest etc”

“Hey, you are getting really philosophical now. Well let me tell you what happened when Cecilia aunty gave birth to our first daughter. You know, I was making good money then and we were in one of the oil rich gulf states. I was allowed to join my wife in the labour room and it was a long labour”

“Poor aunty” I cut him short “ I am 100 percent sure, you being in the room must have added an additional hundred units to the already intense pain of labour”

“Shut up. I was trying to get her into a cheerful mood. During our conversation I had proposed an idea to her”

“And what was that”. I asked.

“I asked her to put a petition to God to allow them to lay eggs instead of delivering full grown babies. Many of the species do so. So why not humans?”

“ Is that why you have a scar running across your face?” I pointed out at one of the scars on his face, which looked like a result of a fist fight.

“Oh C’mon. Don’t you think it will be much less painful. The woman lays eggs and as time passes the egg hatches and the beautiful baby is born. Immediately after my daughter’s birth, I researched on different ways mammals deliver babies and I found out that there are three ways in which mammals deliver- the first way- human way, where the kid grows inside the mother and is delivered as a full grown ,small size bundle, second is the chicken way- the mother lays eggs and then heats them to hatch and third the kangaroo way- where the baby kangaroo grows in a pouch. I am not sure if there are any other ways and I would love to know if there are any. We as humans , unfortunately have to see our women deliver babies the most painful way. I have no idea how painful the other two ,above mentioned ways are”. Eddie uncle gave his honest opinion.

“Well actually you are right uncle. A woman goes through a lot of pain , which I believe you and I cannot even think of bearing. We just celebrated Mother’s day. I think every day should be mother’s day”. Eddie uncles funny thoughts had kindled in me some thoughts which were worth thinking about. I had a newfound respect for women and especially for Eddie uncle for igniting some thoughts in my numb brain. “ Well Wish Cecilia aunty a Happy Mother’s day”. I asked Eddie uncle to convey my wishes.

“Same here. Wish your wife too. And all the best”

I did not bother to ask why he wished me luck because the answer to that question would have taken another hour at Chandranna’s hotel.

“See you soon Eddie uncle”









By: Anil Dsouza

Comments on this Article
Fazil, Hyderabad Wed, May-24-2017, 4:27
ROFL. Humorous script to unravel the sacrifices of our women folk. Entertaining, engrossing and original. Kudos
Saurabh Bhardwaj, UP India Tue, May-23-2017, 10:33
Hey Anil, every word of this article is so true, but as i am going through the same phase as you two has just been. Its not only labor that a mother has to go through but the entire 9 months, specially the last trimester when she could not even sleep.

Hats off to all the mothers

Shalet, Kodialbail Mangalore Tue, May-23-2017, 9:48
Delivering live baby is worth it. When you see the angle face you tend to forget all pain. What if 3- 4 -5 eggs hatches into live babies!!!
Joylan Andrade, Kambla Thota (Kemman) / Mumbai Tue, May-23-2017, 9:01
Uncle!!! You are a good writer too!! Did not know this side of you!!!
Jacintha pinto, Alape, padil, mangalore Mon, May-22-2017, 10:51
Humorous article Anil.

Being a woman I too endorse your opinion of laying eggs rather than delivering a fully grown baby. Ha ha ha

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